Friday, August 27, 2010

Verbally Waterboard

Verbally Waterboard [vur-buh-lee wot-er bohrd]

1. insult someone harshly; insult someone causing them mental pain equal to the physical pain experienced in waterboarding
"Whenever the shaman makes a tiny mistake in Transformice, the other mice verbally waterboard him."
"After the parent heard about the son's failure of school, he verbally waterboarded him."
"Verbal waterboarding is illegal in every state except Texas."

Saturday, August 14, 2010


I promise to update more from now on! But back to regular messages.

Welcome to my (twenty) minute by minute review watching of the movie Primer, the hit movie that left audiences saying "What the hell is going on?

Let's cut the crap and begin.

0 Minutes -

The title screen explains absolutely nothing. But what can you expect with a movie so strange? Setting the timer to 20 minutes. Let's do this!

20 Minutes -

What I have so far is these two people are building a super secret device... in a garage. It's so secret they cover the windows with garbage bags or something. These two currently nameless people work for some company for 50 hours a week, so that may be why they need to keep this device secret.

Apparently, the device outputs more than it inputs. I don't know. The movie is rated R for brief language but really should have been rated NC-17 because nobody without a college degree will understand the vocabulary in this movie, and even over 17 it's debatable.

40 Minutes -

They decided to make a box big enough to hold a human. And with that, made the movie a little easier to understand.

The box either duplicates or acts as a time machine. Judging from their discussion on stocks, it's probably the latter. Sadly, the thing is harder to use than a DeLorean.

60 Minutes -

The machine apparently turns people into carrots because some other guy used it and is now in a vegetative state. (ba-dum-cshhh)

The device is now becoming inconvenient. All these questions and possibilities of paradoxes and such. Not to mention the moral implications of what you can do. How much have a learned from this movie so far? Nothing.

Let us move on.

END (77 Minutes) -

"And you will not find me."

Those are the last words of this movie. Who said it? Why? I don't know. Primer actually manages to (on a scale of one to ten) make negative three sense. That's how little sense it makes. I was completely lost throughout this whole film. I didn't even learn the main character's names.

But I knew what I was getting myself into when I decided to rent Primer on Netflix.

SM/M: Don't complain after watching a movie you knew you wouldn't understand.